For Three Years

I’d like to tell you a story about the photo above. It is a bit of a long story because it has several parts. This photo has come to mean a lot to me because of the story it tells. I think it may be the perfect picture of what my life has been for the past three years. It is a great image that captures exactly what is boarding ministry at BFA.

You will see several people in this photo. The curly haired one in dark clothes is Kynza. She has given me permission to write about this picture. She is wrapped in a towel because she was just baptized.

Standing next to her is Jill. Jill is the Storch dorm mom. She is holding the microphone speaking a blessing and a prayer over Kynza.

Behind Jill you can see a sliver of an older gentleman. This is Kynza’s grandfather. He had just baptized her when the photo was taken. He is a retired missionary. He has worked over much of North Africa and parts of France. He and his family currently reside in Marseille. Years before he also baptized Kynza’s mom.

You’ll see me in the bottom left of the photo holding a phone. I’m one of Kynza’s RAs.

And on a phone screen you will see Kynza’s mom, Christine. She is a BFA alumna. She works in China and in Marseille. Christine couldn’t come to Kynza’s baptism because she had a set work schedule in China that couldn’t be altered.

You may be wondering why this photo, with these people, is so important to me now. It is because I think it shows so well what this ministry is about.

You see, Kynza didn’t come to the dorm spiritually void. She had a Grandpa and Grandma, aunts and uncles, and a Mom, all of whom have spent years “training her in the way she should go.” This is the reason I am grateful her Grandpa is in this photo. He represents that legacy she came with to our school.

Kynza has a dorm mom who so very beautifully speaks blessings and life over her each and every day. A dorm mom who mothers Kynza as a way of honoring Kynza’s actual mom, Christine, and her work and life.

Your eyes catch on a mom on a phone screen. It's hard to tell in the smallness of the photo, but Christine was weeping. I can’t speak to exactly what she was feeling, but from knowing her, it seemed to me she was crying for two reasons. She was weeping with joy to see her daughter taking this step of faith publicly and weeping with sorrow that she can’t be there to see it in person.

And finally, in the photo, you see me. I’m there doing the best I can to make certain that Kynza is supported and her mom is fully included. On this day that looked like the simple act of making a video call in church, so Christine could see her daughter being baptized in real time instead of watching a video of it later.

All these pieces fit together to make this ministry of mine. My girls come to Storch Dorm with stories, and history, and families, and friends who have loved them before. Their parents allow them to come to BFA for various reasons, but all of them do it with great hope and belief that this is what their child needs in this season. And they do it trusting that the dorm staff will love them well.

In each dorm, a team of people works together to speak life and Truth and love into these students’ hearts. Sometimes that looks like standing on a stage during church and praying with them after baptism. Sometimes it looks like being the one who had to stay home and miss the baptisms because another student is sick. And sometimes it looks like video chatting a mom so she can be a part of things, even when she is far away. All of these pieces are critical. All of them are necessary to be the support the student needs.

So you see, I love this picture. It encapsulates so much of what we do here. I have loved these three years serving families around the world by supporting their children.

Year 1: An Altar of Remembrance

Wednesday morning I woke up at a reasonable hour for the first time since being back from the States. Life is beginning to settle down into routine again.

For a while now the passages of the Bible that reference the Israelites' wanderings in the desert have been coming to mind. I've been thinking a lot about how, as the Israelites traveled, they would build altars in the places the would pass through to remind them of the things God had done. Not altars of sacrifice, but altars of remembrance.

Joshua 4:21-24 (ESV; emphasis mine)
21 And he said to the people of Israel,“When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’22 then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’23 For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over,24 so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.”


Now. I am not really a journaler. I have gotten a little better at it. I write down thoughts from time to time. But I wanted to build an altar of remembrance here. To mark what God has done in the past year.

A year ago I bought a ticket. I packed my bags and I headed across the ocean. I left my home, my family, my friends. I landed in Germany. Preparing to start life all over again with people I didn't know. I was welcomed by people who cared for me even though they didn't know me. I was incredibly overwhelmed. My dog died within days of arriving. I had a mild panic attack in German class freaking out wondering what on earth I had done. I was suddenly aware of just how much I needed God.

And over the course of a year He has met my every need. Over and over again. I want you to know how the Lord is mighty. That you may fear him forever. I want to mark this place. I want to return to it and remember His goodness.

Over the past year I have chopped a million carrots. Washed countless heads of lettuce. Cleaned the stove or the sink or washed loads of dishes more times than I want to think about. And God was with me.

I have curled hair. Braided braids. Drove to shopping malls. And God was with me.

I have hugged girls who were homesick. I have been homesick. And God was with me.

I have helped with homework and I have been stumped by Algebra problems. And God was with me.

I have watched as girls who had never been to a standard school before struggled to feel competent. I have listened as girls learn that their parents are moving to another country and they won't get to go "home" to say goodbye to their friends. I have prayed as girls confessed doubts and struggles and sought to determine who God was to them.

In each moment, the mundane or the magnificent, God was there. Prompting me to walk in obedience. Guiding my heart. Showing me my pride. Reminding me of His power. This year I have struggled to find moments that "counted" But in looking back I see that all were important. Each moment is significant to my ministry here.

If you are reading this you are probably a supporter. Be that by prayer or finance, I have lived on your support the past year. The days when I was tired your prayers sustained me. Your kind words lifted my heavy heart.

In the coming year, I will need this support again. Prayerfully a million times over. In terms of finances, I recently received an email confirming what we had heard may be happening. Last year the German government passed a new minimum wage law. Due to this law I have to increase my support by a significant amount in order for my salary to meet that requirement. I currently raise around $1,800 each month. I have to increase my support to $3,200 each month. This number is overwhelming. But as He has been for the past year, I know God will be with me again. If you want to know more about supporting me financially please leave a comment so we can set up a time to talk.

I updated the blog a little bit, so check out the pages to the right! 

Tired Eyes and A Full Heart

Warning: Rambling post started before 6 AM on a holiday (AKA even later bedtime than normal the night before)

Today is May Day. A holiday fully celebrated in Germany. I don't really know the details of the holiday other than in typical German fashion they were up late last night driving tractors around town to get stuff set up. Today there will be music and dancing and food and drinks shared by our little village. It is a very cool thing. I wish I knew more about it.

School is out on May Day. Which means the first question asked of us yesterday afternoon was, "Do we have a bedtime tonight?" With 3 of our girls, and 2 dorm friends leaving for soccer at 5:30 AM we didn't want to let everyone stay up too late. I could spend hours trying to explain the value of sleep and how one day they will all be sorry that they didn't sleep more when they had the chance. However we know the thrill of staying up late AND not having to work on homework, so we pushed normal bedtime back an hour; asking everyone to be upstairs by 11 and in bed by 11:30. This was of course stretched to the last minute and I was opening doors and giving my best "teacher glare" after midnight. I'm pretty sure after getting an apology from one room of giggly girls I simply looked at them and just growled, "Sleep."

Why on earth is all of this random information being put into a blog post? Maybe because as I was starting work on breakfast burritos at 4:30 this morning I had a teeny tiny quarter life crisis moment. Or maybe because I drank diet coke at 4:30 to help me wake up enough to be a safe driver and now I can't go back to sleep.

As I scrambled eggs and assembled the breakfast burritos this morning I started laughing at myself. You see, at age 24 I was up before the sun, making breakfast and preparing to drive my stick shift church van sized vehicle to drop off "my girls" at the school for a soccer trip. I am a soccer mom to teenage girls. At 24. (and a half...) This is so not where I imagined myself being at this point in my life.

I have learned so much about myself and about God in my time here so far. You see, while this may not be where I ever could have dreamed up being, it is SO where God has me. He is shaping me and challenging the sin in my heart and that is a painful, but fantastic thing.

As I hugged my girls and told them, "Win all the sports things. Play good," (It was 5:30AM...I cannot be expected to know what sports words belong to the soccer world at 5:30AM) I realized how full my heart was. The day to day frustrations can leave me with tired eyes, but the hugs before a game and the, "I'm proud of yous," when they get home are what leave me with a full heart.

Will you pray with me as I continue on this journey? Will you ask that God would continue to challenge my heart to love each student well?

Our dorm was voted "Craziest" by the yearbook crew. I wonder why?

The Holy Spirit Indwelling

Ok, so we are due for an update after retreat.

We headed to Lenk Simmental, Switzerland last weekend for the High School Retreat. Each year BFA takes the students away for one weekend to give them some time away from Kandern to retreat and focus in on their spiritual theme for the year.

A look at the Swiss Alps in the background of the retreat center.

Snow makes everything even prettier doesn't it?

Heading to Switzerland sounds pretty crazy and exotic, and it kind of is to me. However this was only a 2.5 hour drive for us. I am a little baffled that God has allowed me to live so close to so much beauty.








This year the Chaplain's department chose the theme "Indwelling" With John 14:20 as the verse for the school to focus on this year. Jon Schliep (Brother of my awesome co-worker Kristi) came and chose to really focus in on the Holy Spirit and His role in the world.

To be perfectly honest I was feeling pretty "heavy" going into the weekend. I was struggling to think positively about the work I was asking God to do. How does one balance a burden for the lost with the joy of seeing growth and maturing in other believers? I don't really know, but I have felt heavy laden with the weight of the lost lately. I don't think that is a bad thing by any means, but sometimes I think I can get hopeless and forget that I am burdened for the lost because I HAVE hope. Walking in that hope is one of the things that makes following Christ attractive to others.

I thought I would break down a few of the things we talked about this weekend, just to give you an idea of what God is up to in the hearts of our staff and students.

The weekend consisted of four sessions, each of which followed by a small group meeting to discuss what Jon shared.

In session 1 Jon started with an overview of the Holy Spirit's presence throughout Biblical history. Some things that stood out to me from this session was the succinct way Jon talked about the purpose of the Spirit. We blew through a ton of Scripture, and I am still going back and thinking through a lot of it.
Some of my notes from the evening:
1. God created us. (Genesis 2)
2. God is with us. (Genesis 2:15-17)
**Insert Genesis 3:8 and so a dramatic shift. Sin has entered and broken communion with God. Because God cannot be with sin He cannot be with us.
3. God is for us. (God spends the entire Old Testament fighting for the hearts of his Chosen People. He sends the Spirit to do great things among the people. Some of which seem quite nutso. Judges 15:14-15 1 Samuel 11:5-7)
4. God promises that He will REcreate us.  (Ezekiel 36:23-27)
**Insert silence after the promise. Gap between the OT and NT.
5. God with us again! (Matthew 1:21-23)
6. God in us. Something new. (John 14:16-17; 16:7-11)
Jon ended each service with some "So Whats?" and "Now Whats?" The thing that stuck out to me most was when he asked them to actually look inside and survey the state of their heart. He asked them to evaluate where they stood with God. Honestly.

I went to the retreat not responsible for a small group of students. The ladies I stayed with Kristi, Amanda, and Elizabeth and I had a tiny small group with Kristi leading us through the questions. We were all pretty broken during this time.


Session 2: A lot of great things to think on from this session. Jon kicked it off by telling a story about coming home from work one day to find the kitchen messy and saying out loud, "The kitchen is messy." To him, just a statement. Pure fact. To his wife Ellie it was commentary on what she had been doing all day. Discussion continued on what Jon said and what he meant by it. Jon exclaimed, "You can't tell me what I meant, only I can tell you what I meant by that."
Jon used this story to present the concept that one of the Holy Spirit's role in our lives is to be the one who "explains what God meant." He helps us to read and understand Scripture. James 1:5-6 was referenced and the concept that without the Holy Spirit, there are things about God that we quite simply cannot understand. He guides us into the depths with God. Jon used this time to talk about the difference between worldly wisdom and Godly wisdom. Much more Scripture was referenced.

Our ResLife small group was much more refreshed walking out of this service. We discussed times we have seen the Holy Spirit at work in our lives and truths He has revealed to us.


So there was a lot of free time during the day. I filled part of it by being on a staff team for the dodgeball tournament. Miraculously I did not get hit in the head at any point during the tournament. Our team quite frankly dominated (with little to no help from me, but hey, they had to have two girls on the team.) We did not lose a single game and were the ultimate winners of the tournament. I am still waiting on my trophy.

For E, Free time meant snowball fights. Thanks for the picture SG

That evening we headed into the 3rd session. My notes from this session were pretty sparse. I was very much floating back and forth between listening to Jon and praying that God's words would break into the hearts of our students. To give the general gist of this Jon spoke of the Spirit's role in repentance. He then boldly called the student's to repentance. He ended the time with a call to spend the next song thinking and evaluating and asking the Spirit to guide us to repentance, be it for the first time or for a specific sin. He came back up after a song and asked the student's to respond. He invited them to stand if they felt the Spirit convicting them and guiding them to repentance.

In my mind this is the typical camp moment where two or three bold kids stand up immediately and the rest who want to stand sort of filter up while looking around the room at their friends. Boy was I surprised. Jon counted to 3 and in one massive movement about 2/3 of the student body stood immediately without care or concern for who stood or sat beside them. I was mostly in shock. Then I began praying fervently for God to keep drawing those student's and to not allow Satan to snatch the conviction they were feeling.

Small group time found our little group of 4 in a bit of shell shock. I am not sure why I am always surprised when God does miraculous things, especially when I have seen Him act so swiftly so many times. We praised God for the work His Spirit was accomplishing in the hearts of our students and shared the work He was doing in our own. I had my fired up southern voice going. I really wanted to reach out to a few of the girls from the dorm, but wasn't able to connect with them so I just kept praying that Jesus would continue the work He started that evening.

Session 4: Sunday morning we had one last session before heading back to Kandern.
Jon basically spent the time talking through the kind of walking in circles conversation between "What is my role?" and "What is the Holy Spirit's role?" He was very open from the beginning that he intended us to leave the sermon without answers. Which I really appreciated. I think often times camps and retreats choose a topic to be wrapped up in a nice little package that you can return home with to say, "Look what I learned." but then we set that pretty package on a shelf and don't move it into the rest of our everyday life. By leaving the conversation open ended and with too many questions left to answer in the last small group session students have a way to transition what they have learned up in the literal mountains and bring it back to their day to day lives.

He shared this Bonhoeffer quote related to Galatians 5:

“Fruit is always the miraculous, the created; it is never the result of willing, but always a growth. The fruit of the Spirit is a gift of God, and only He can produce it. They who bear it know as little about it as the tree knows of its fruit. They know only the power of Him on whom their life depends”

Ok, so that was a LOT of thoughts. And obviously I am still processing and working through it all. As are our students. When I got home I wanted to continue thinking about the Holy Spirit and His role so I picked up some books I have had for a while and started reading. One being Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala and the other being The Holy Spirit: Who He is, What He Does, and Why You Should Care by RA Torrey and Barry L. Davis.

Please be praying as all of the students and staff continue working through these things. Pray that we would listen to the Holy Spirit as He guides us to truth.

Love these weirdos.

Cute little Freshmen

Retreat

So in a few weeks the whole school will be loading up on some busses and heading across the border to Switzerland for High School Retreat. Dorm Staff doesn't typically go as this is a school side event put on by the Chaplain's department, however you know me, if they put retreat in the title I am totally sold. Honestly, a lot of why I want to go is a chance to understand more about the spiritual atmosphere at BFA.

I am not always the best about keeping open expectations. Coming to BFA, I took what I knew about high schoolers in general, blended it with a bit of what I had been taught about TCKs (Third Culture Kids) and then tossed in random things I had heard about what students here were like. I knew better than to expect a school full of kids who were totally sold out to God and only made incredibly wise and responsible choices. I'm not quite that naive. However, I think I came in with this idea that apathy wouldn't be a thing here. I expected kids to be either totally on board with Jesus, or pretty strongly opposed to Him. I also thought that I was going to be working with students who were just light years of maturity above the average teenager I had interacted with in the States.

I know this will shock you (sarcasm font) but somehow my expectations were wrong. That seems to happen to me a fair amount. I am pretty sure that is the entire process of becoming an adult.

In so many ways students here blow my expectations out of the water in a positive way. In other ways I had elevated the idea of a student who loves Christ being someone who just "gets it" I forgot that developmentally, while many have lived life in a big way, and have experiences I will never get, they are still in fact teenagers. And I mean that in the most perfect way. I don't use the phrasing, "Well they are teenagers." in a negative way. I like the stage of life that is teenagerdom. It is a weird, hard, and confusing time, but I think it is cool how God uses it. I'd say I am probably somewhere in my teenage years in relation to my faith.

This is a really long way to say, the students here are highschoolers. And while in many ways they are different from my previous frame of reference for what that means (at any given meal four or more languages are thrown around the table) at the core, there are so many similarities to myself and my friends in high school.

There are students who just really love Jesus. They are figuring out what that means, but they are enamored with Him. And it does my heart good to know that students like that exist here.

There are students here who may just flip if they here the name Jesus one more time. They are tired of it, they have heard it their whole lives and are just done with the whole spiel. It does my heart good to know that they are here.

There are students who ache for "church" to look like what it does at "home" There are students who celebrate that here they can have "church" that is different from "home"

I could go on and on. I think my point is that it would take a lot of words for me to explain students here, because, much like at home they are made up of layer upon layer of unique story.

So bringing this back around to retreat. Kids are a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to how they feel about retreat. And I would really love it if you joined me in praying for them as this time of spiritual focus draws near.

Things to pray for:
~Speaker: Jon Schliep Ask that God would continue speaking to him as he finishes his preparations. Pray for his wife Ellie and him as they travel here. Pray that during the times that he is sharing, God would give him clear and distinct guidance on what to say.
~Worship leader: (I don't know their name.) Pray that they would enter worship in Spirit and Truth. Pray that they would be focused on leading us into worship, not entertaining us.
~Chaplains Office Staff: Pray that they would be able to work through all of the details with ease. Pray that logistics would not become a distraction from the work of God.
~Small Group Leaders: Pray they would be able to guide students into real and honest discussion about their relationships with God and others. Give them wisdom to know which ways to steer conversations.
~Students: Pray that God would soften hearts. Pray that students would be able to lay aside various distractions and listen for God to speak. Pray against illness that would prevent students from attending. Pray that the retreat would be restful and spiritually renewing. Pray that the work God does in hearts during this time would not be left there, but brought back to continue meaningful impact in the community.

I want to leave you with a short Psalm one of my girls wrote at retreat two years ago. She was watching the fog rise over the mountains. We will be returning to the same location this year. I have an expectant heart that God will lift the fog in the hearts of our students again.

As the fog lifts up by Mary Moon

As the fog lifts up
So does my fears lift up to you

As the fog rises up
My hope rises up to you

When I feel afraid
When I feel hopeless

Your hands lift up the fog in my soul
And present your might and glory

Like a mountain fixed powerfully
And its trees reaching the skies with the tips of its fingers

My arms lift up to you
And I cannot help but stand in awe of you

Father you are the Creator
Father you are the Almighty

Though my future seems dim like a fog
And my fears blind me

Father, you are still behind the fog
You have never left your place

My hopes soar like a bird
Hovering through the fog
And I trust in you presence behind the fog

A House of 21 Messy

So this is a post I have been meaning to write for approximately 4 months. Whoops. I wanted to kind of give a tour of the dorm and school to give everyone a general overview of where I live. I'm very visual, so blogging through pictures is the easiest way for me to do things. Look for a common thing in most of the pictures.

We will start with the outside of the dorm.

Isn't she a beaut?! Every dorm here is unique, and perhaps I am a little biased, 

but I think mine is the best. Right down to the building itself.

Our dorm is called Storchenblick. Or Storch. We live in a small village called Holzen. We are called Storch (Stork) due to the storch preserve located in Holzen. The building itself is pretty old. I'm not sure exactly when it was built, but the BFA community has used it as a dorm for around 40 years. Prior to being used by BFA it was a school building in the community and has served other purposes throughout the years. BFA currently has eight dorms. Four of the dorms are in downtown Kandern, the same town as the school, and the other four dorms are in smaller outlying villages.

Sidenote: The trough out front is used for dunking girls on their birthday. After they have been dunked they chase everyone else trying to give them sopping wet hugs.

As we go inside we enter the main level of the house. All of the common areas are on this level.

Computer/ sitting area

Living room

Laundry room

    

guest bathroom and music room

Kitchen and Dining room

The dorm parents also live on this floor. They have a small apartment across from the kitchen area.

As you go up a floor you have 7 rooms for the girls, and 1 RA room. They all share a bathroom with three sinks, 2 toilets, and 2 showers. Well, it is actually one shower for now. One of the girls was cleaning the shower and used a little too much elbow grease and shattered the shower door.

After you walk up on more set of stairs you make it to my floor. I only have 5 student rooms on my hall, with 6 girls total. We also have a community bathroom with 2 showers, 2 sinks, and 2 toilets. One or two of the girls from the 2nd floor come up to my floor to shower since there are less people up here. More have been doing it since they are down to one shower downstairs.

       

My floor also has a small study room. 

Then my room is at the end of the hall. I am pretty fortunate to have a large room. Especially in a building this old. I am coming to really love this space as I try to make it home. I've filled it with a lot of things that make it feel comfy and welcoming to me. I've had some random living arrangements the past 6.5 years since I moved to college. This one has the best views so far.

         

So there is a basic tour of the house. I don't have good school photos right now and this post was getting to be a bit long anyway. I will try to continue the train of thought here next week with school photos and a post about what a "typical" week looks like here. 

Beating a dead horse

If you were wondering what it feels like to be 23 days away from moving to another country for 2 years the answer is overwhelmed. If you were wondering what it feels like to need to have over $500 in monthly donations left to fundraise before you can buy a plane ticket to move to said country, that answer is overwhelmed and nauseous.

Can I just be honest here and say fundraising is not fun. I know that some people really enjoy this aspect of their job, but I am not one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE sharing with people what I am going to be doing. I just don't like the last bit of the meeting where I casually mention, oh yeah, I need you to help pay for me to do this. Because the thing is, I am passionate about what I am doing. I believe it is important in the Kingdom of God. I think it is a worthy cause to give you money... I just don't want to be the one who asks you to do that. And yet I think God has things to teach me in this process. I'm learning a lot about patience. I am learning about trusting God in action, not just in words.

As I was praying one night this week I began to just beg God to provide people who could lift me up and I remembered a program that we used at Crossgates to sign people up for 24 hours of prayer before our new season would start in the college service. I thought, "I wish I knew I had specific people praying for me daily." I know that some people do. But I don't know with confidence each day that someone has prayed for me. Imagine how confident that would make you. So I decided that I wanted that. Then I realized if I asked people to fast and pray for a meal once a month, and asked them to give the money they might have spent on that meal, then I would be incredibly close to my goal.

So for example, a friend would choose the 3rd of the month. For one meal on the 3rd of every month they would fast and pray for me. They would also sign up to do a monthly donation for $10 per month.

If 31 people were able to sign up for that then I would have $310/ month and one person for each day of the month. If 62 people signed up then I would have $620/month and would deb totally funded, and each day I would know that TWO people where specifically sacrificing a meal to pray for me and my girls. In some ways I feel like I am asking a lot of people, but I need a lot from people. I NEED your prayers. Each day I wake up thinking about all that I want to see God do during my time in Germany and I know just how much I need people to support me in that.

I have 1,824 Facebook friends. If 62 of them can partner with me I will be able to go. Able to do the thing I know God has called me to. So if we are being honest here, you should know that I am praying for the people reading this. I am praying that God would guide you as you read this. That if He leads you would follow.

But most importantly I am thankful for this. I am thankful that no matter how I get there, God is in this journey. He is in the process of getting to Germany, and will be with me guiding me once I get there. I am thankful for His unending faithfulness. Because no matter how weary I become, I can find my rest in Him.

English major friends, please forgive my terrible usage of commas. It is my deepest grammar struggle.